Memories involving Reinhard
All of them took place from late 1941-early 1942, before Anthropoid happened(which I’ve posted already). Also, they just happened to be in chronological order based on when the memories happened like they’re really one after another. The only exception I’m not posting here is the Wannsee conference memory because a lot of people were involved. Lastly, before I start, check out: (https://www.blogger.com/blogin.g?blogspotURL=http://thepastofbellona.blogspot.com/2018/07/i-hate-sand.html?m%3D1) because I just added a beach-related memory. Anyways, los geht’s!
In the first memory, I was talking to Reinhard’s wife, Lina, and she was like, "Reinhard just dreamt that I was working for the Russians." I laughed a little and was like, "If you're working for any of our enemies, you'll show signs of it, trust me." This convo took place around 1941-1942. Mel's also friends with her btw but they quarrel like little children so I constantly had to stop them. Lina and I stopped talking to each other at around 1944 when I started living in the Führerbunker because we had our own problems to worry about.
In the second memory, I was eating lunch with a bunch of people on a long table and all of us were wearing formal clothing. I wasn’t socialising as much as usual. Maybe I wasn’t close to them. Perhaps I was a lot younger than the others. I don’t even know why we were together. I finished my food and I was waiting for someone to clean up. I finished the last. I guess that my ‘slow eater’ trait carried on from that life to my current life. Reinhard was in front of me and he finished his lunch a lot earlier to the point that he was already having a chat with a woman he was close to. She happened to be his secretary and they were close friends too, not just colleagues. They were smiling at each other. She was blonde and had about the same face shape as Cara Delevigne. As for me, I was just staring at everyone. None of my close friends were with me so I joined the two people in front of me and I looked drained because of the food, which was salad with chicken. I hated green leafy vegetables and I still do. I was always a choosy eater, even today.
As for the background, we were in a hall with a grand piano and a dimly lit room. It was the type of lighting where it’s bright outside but the light is covered by the curtains. The long table was on the right side of the room. I would have wanted to play on the piano at one point but I’m not sure if I did.
If I’m not wrong, this third memory would have happened after Winter in 1942. I was hanging out with Mel, Reinhard and Lina in a living room. Both Mel and Lina were expecting but Mel was not as heavily pregnant. After a while, our two respective lovely ladies left. This gave me a chance to show my vulnerability to Reinhard because when there’s ladies around, I always tried to seem as chill and masculine as possible but with guys, I could let my hair down. Anyways, our conversation went like this:
Me: You know, all along, I was just pretending to be manly this whole time but the truth is, I’m still a little boy. I’m really scared of being a father. I can’t even take care of myself so how am I going to take care of my child? Also, being a father means that I have to grow up and I don’t feel ready for that. This makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I wish that this ‘accident’ never happened(not explaining this part).
Reinhard: Oh come on, it’s really fun having children. It’s not really that bad. Don’t you and Mel get lonely at home? Come on, you like playing with my children and now you’ll have your own.
M: But it’s different! I’ve always seen children as my playmates. I’ve never thought of having to take care of one but now I don’t have a choice but to grow up. Still, I don’t want to leave Mel because of this, though. I love her a lot and I always will.
R: Then in that case, think of your child as a more permanent playmate, a playmate who lives with you. You’ll also eventually get used to the responsibilities like you’re quite flexible.
M: Well thanks for your advice. It will take me time to get used to it but I guess that I’ll try.
By the way, it did take a while but I eventually started to feel excited instead of scared. That baby inside was Viktoria, my first legitimate child.
In the first memory, I was talking to Reinhard’s wife, Lina, and she was like, "Reinhard just dreamt that I was working for the Russians." I laughed a little and was like, "If you're working for any of our enemies, you'll show signs of it, trust me." This convo took place around 1941-1942. Mel's also friends with her btw but they quarrel like little children so I constantly had to stop them. Lina and I stopped talking to each other at around 1944 when I started living in the Führerbunker because we had our own problems to worry about.
In the second memory, I was eating lunch with a bunch of people on a long table and all of us were wearing formal clothing. I wasn’t socialising as much as usual. Maybe I wasn’t close to them. Perhaps I was a lot younger than the others. I don’t even know why we were together. I finished my food and I was waiting for someone to clean up. I finished the last. I guess that my ‘slow eater’ trait carried on from that life to my current life. Reinhard was in front of me and he finished his lunch a lot earlier to the point that he was already having a chat with a woman he was close to. She happened to be his secretary and they were close friends too, not just colleagues. They were smiling at each other. She was blonde and had about the same face shape as Cara Delevigne. As for me, I was just staring at everyone. None of my close friends were with me so I joined the two people in front of me and I looked drained because of the food, which was salad with chicken. I hated green leafy vegetables and I still do. I was always a choosy eater, even today.
As for the background, we were in a hall with a grand piano and a dimly lit room. It was the type of lighting where it’s bright outside but the light is covered by the curtains. The long table was on the right side of the room. I would have wanted to play on the piano at one point but I’m not sure if I did.
If I’m not wrong, this third memory would have happened after Winter in 1942. I was hanging out with Mel, Reinhard and Lina in a living room. Both Mel and Lina were expecting but Mel was not as heavily pregnant. After a while, our two respective lovely ladies left. This gave me a chance to show my vulnerability to Reinhard because when there’s ladies around, I always tried to seem as chill and masculine as possible but with guys, I could let my hair down. Anyways, our conversation went like this:
Me: You know, all along, I was just pretending to be manly this whole time but the truth is, I’m still a little boy. I’m really scared of being a father. I can’t even take care of myself so how am I going to take care of my child? Also, being a father means that I have to grow up and I don’t feel ready for that. This makes me feel like I’m not good enough. I wish that this ‘accident’ never happened
Reinhard: Oh come on, it’s really fun having children. It’s not really that bad. Don’t you and Mel get lonely at home? Come on, you like playing with my children and now you’ll have your own.
M: But it’s different! I’ve always seen children as my playmates. I’ve never thought of having to take care of one but now I don’t have a choice but to grow up. Still, I don’t want to leave Mel because of this, though. I love her a lot and I always will.
R: Then in that case, think of your child as a more permanent playmate, a playmate who lives with you. You’ll also eventually get used to the responsibilities like you’re quite flexible.
M: Well thanks for your advice. It will take me time to get used to it but I guess that I’ll try.
By the way, it did take a while but I eventually started to feel excited instead of scared. That baby inside was Viktoria, my first legitimate child.
I have to admit, I laughed when I read the memories of the lunch because well that woman sitting next to Reinhard was me. We were more than close friends 😉 I will have find those memories. They are somewhere. By the way that room where we were eating lunch was one of the state rooms in Hradschin I identified.
ReplyDeleteWinter 1941-1942? That was between November-April then? That was one of the coldest winters. April was when I had moved to Prague properly.
You know how much Reinhard loved children. He adored Anna and also his later children. War made a lot of us get our priorities right and straight. But I don't understand how you could not love your expecting children. Some days I longed to be a complete family again.
Eva x
Yep, my subconscious did mention that you were the woman but I was sceptical about it so I didn’t include that. Thanks for clarifying. Also, if I could handle Norwegian winters, I should be able to handle almost every other winter except for something like Finnish winter. I’ll reply to the last part via email later because some parts I wanna say are a little embarrassing.
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